Don’t let closed shops keep you out

I got pulled aside after my best presentation yet. "You need to work on your executive presence." I asked what that meant exactly.

Cue the awkward silence. Then some waffle about "gravitas" and "commanding the room." Bollocks.

They couldn’t define it because it’s designed to be undefinable. A moving target. A shape-shifting excuse to keep certain people out.

Brené Brown and Adam Grant just called it what it is: "Executive Presence and Charisma are both cover for discriminating against women and introverts."

I felt that land in my chest like a punch wrapped in sequins.

Because here’s what "executive presence" really means: Look like us. Sound like us. Lead like us.

And if you don’t? Well, clearly you’re not leadership material, darling.

I spent years trying to crack the code. Deeper voice. Firmer handshake. Less laughter. More suits. Be assertive (but not aggressive). Be warm (but not soft). Command the room (but don’t take up space). The goalposts didn’t just move. They were on bloody wheels.

Meanwhile, there are people in navy suits commanding attention while contributing absolutely nothing. And quiet brilliance gets overlooked because it doesn’t perform power the way we expect.

With end-of-year reviews looming, this matters more than ever. Because vague feedback like "lacks executive presence" can tank your promotion. Your pay rise. Your confidence. If someone can’t tell you EXACTLY what to improve and HOW to improve it, it’s not feedback. It’s gatekeeping dressed up as development.

Ask for specifics: What behaviours would demonstrate this? Can you give me an example? What would success look like?

Watch them squirm.

Brené nailed it: "I have zero interest in looking, acting, behaving like the people who built the tables that I’m not supposed to be at." ZERO. INTEREST.

So here’s what actually drives success: Do you make the room smarter or smaller? Do you build trust or demand deference? Do you turn fear into possibility? Does your team grow or shrink around you? That’s leadership. Everything else is just theatre.

Your authentic personal brand - the real you, not the performance - is what makes you unmissable. It’s what gets you promoted, paid and respected for who you actually are.

Stop auditioning for a part you were never meant to play. Start building visibility around your actual brilliance.

What feedback have you received that was really just code for "be less yourself"?

In a world where everything feels artificial, Nishma Patel Robb, ex-Google brand chief, helps leaders and brands stand out by building trust, influence and visibility rooted in humanity. Through The Other AI: Authentic Influence, she helps leadership teams and women leaders move from blending in to shining bright – earning attention, loyalty and growth through authenticity. Nishma is the founder of Glittersphere, a personal brand consultancy and community for women, and co-founder of HERA, the UK’s first female-led video podcast network, both redefining how women are seen, heard and valued.