‘Whatever happened to the likely lads?’ That was the question posed by the BBC sitcom way back in the 1970s. It has taken a long time, but I think I have the answer. Turns out they’ve been touring Beirut…
Okay, okay, so I’m not referring to the characters played by Rodney Bewes and James Bolam; my likely lads are Ted and Hisham of Kirker Holidays. This dynamic pair have been touring the Middle East in anticipation of the new Kirker brochure covering Syria, Jordan and Lebanon.
I can think of no better candidates to test the water, though from what I hear, it was the wine that got tested to the max. Yes, Hisham introduced wine connoisseur Ted to the fruits of the Temple of Bacchus in Baalbek. How appropriate: the god of wine met by one of his greatest devotees.
Apparently, the two men were obliged to undertake an extensive tasting at Lebanon’s famous Ksara winery, which soon had them under the influence of Hypnos, the god of sleep, in the back of the private car transfer back to Beirut.
Once they had recovered and vowed to make better use of the spittoons in future, Ted and Hisham set out on their next visit to Jeita Grotto, where five miles of awe-inspiring caves awaited them. Ted assures me that the grotto’s recent inclusion in the New Seven Wonders of Nature list is fully justified, and that he spent much of his time open-mouthed and gasping.
It was when he launched into a description of the floodlit boat trip through the caves that ‘grotto envy’ set in; I listened jealously as Ted recounted his view of the world’s largest stalactite, and the eerie but beautiful waterways.
“How romantic,” I said. Ted agreed, and told me that the place does seem to have a magical appeal. So much appeal, in fact, that the charming lady in the ticket kiosk offered to accompany him on the journey, to ensure he was ‘fully relaxed!’
He kindly declined the offer and after returning to his hotel later, Ted was ready for the rooftop Hemmingway’s Bar, which again, he described as utterly romantic against the backdrop of a setting sun. Tragically, the only eyes available for Ted to gaze into belonged to Hisham, and he was having none of it.
It is clear Ted was a great hit with the people of Lebanon, as it was not long before his waiter asked if he would like to go clubbing with him.
“Wow!” I said, “I’m so impressed. How many men of your age get propositioned twice in the same day?”
Ted kindly took the waiter’s card (upon which the young man had scrawled two kisses) but declined to go out, citing age and general instability.
For Hisham, the trip to Lebanon represented a return to a country he hadn’t visited for 32 years, and he was bowled over by the change in Beirut. It’s true that the images of civil war linger in the minds of those who watched the news through the 1970s and 1980s, but things have changed dramatically. Beirut now features in the Lonely Planet’s list of top 10 cities.
Hisham is thrilled with the city’s transformation. To his mind, being in Beirut is like being in a cosmopolitan oasis in the Middle East, with great shops, and fantastic culture and night life.
And yet the city is not enjoying the full benefits of tourism, as word has yet to reach the travelling public that they won’t be confronted by buildings with bullet holes and burnt-out cars.
There is an educational on the horizon… fingers crossed for an invite.
Ignorance isn’t bliss
Meanwhile, back where life is more grotty than grotto, I’m still dealing with the usual gripes and moans.
One grumpy gent came in to complain that he’d spent an inordinate amount of time locating his suitcase from baggage reclaim, because ‘so many of the other passengers’ bags looked the same.’ What can you say?
His grievance made me smile as I’d only just been speaking to Margaret at Specialised Tours who had received a similarly absurd complaint from a client recently returned from a Scandinavian tour. The feedback form suggested that ‘the company should advise prospective clients that it can rain in Norway in the summer’.
All that information a mouse click away, and they’ll still blame us!
Maureen Hill works at Travel Angels in Gillingham, Dorset