| Journal: TWUK | Section: |
| Title: | Issue Date: 22/05/00 |
| Author: | Page Number: 58 |
| Copyright: Other |
Learn to talk body language
They say actions speak louder than words. Martin Roe takes a closer look at non-verbal communication
Learn to talk body language
YOU’RE sitting opposite a customer who’s wavering over whether to take the holiday or leave it, or maybe you’re sitting, sweaty palmed in an interview. What can you say or do to give them confidence in you?The answer, according to The Travel Training Company sales and communication training specialist Graham Roberts-Phelps is not so much what you say but what you do.
Being able to read another person’s body language and also gauge your own is a very important asset in not only any of the above situations but also in almost every area of our lives.
Roberts-Phelps said: “Psychologists and specialists in non-verbal communication have even put figures to their observations and agree 58% of communication is body language, 38% is tone of voice and a mere 7% is the actual words.”
Body language tends to come out ‘unedited’ and is quite often an unconscious tendency, giving us a better chance of deciding how to react in a given situation.
Most people tend to make pretty firm ideas of others within five minutes of meeting.
So where should we start looking for some answers?
The eyes often have a lot to say – looking directly at someone may signify interest, confidence or aggression. Looking away can mean a lack of interest, dismissiveness, lack of confidence or submissiveness.
“In the UK, we generally avert out eyes to signal we have finished our part of the conversation but it is also used to undermine,” said Roberts-Phelps.
Persistent eye contact can be unnerving to many people – studies indicate that between 50%-70% displays a level of attentiveness.
If someone’s eye contact with you is minimal and the eyes are averted downwards they may lack conviction behind their words.
Similarly, people read a lot into the tone of voice. You can divide the voice into four categories – the emphasis placed on certain words, the relative pitch, the volume and speed.
Calmness usually means moderation in all these things, while anger often means emotive words are emphasised, the voice usually gets lower while volume and speed increase.
Nervousness is often indicated by lowering the volume, pitch and speed rise and we steer clear of aggressive or harsh words.
Indeed, a common nervous trait is to ramble in order to delay a bad reaction as long as possible – sound familiar?
Confidence is similarly gauged by a fairly neutral tone and a measured pace.
Posture is also a key determinant and this will also influence your voice. According to Roberts-Phelps, the main part of the body we tend to protect is the abdomen.
“People tend to sit lower in a defensive profile and vulnerability is often seen when we cross our legs knee to knee rather than ankle to knee.
“If we feel aggressive, we do the opposite and try and appear bigger than we are – holding our backs straight and puffing out our chests.”
Take a job interview situation – you can help convey a positive impression by appearing more informal – you will look more relaxed and seem more confident in your position.
Often someone will tend to be too formal when unsure of where they stand or if they are nervous of their abilities.
A more subtle but vastly important aspect of posture and body language is that of ‘mirroring’.
Have you ever noticed when two people in a conversation are in agreement, they tend to mirror each other’s posture?
People will generally break away from mirroring when they disagree.
Gaining a rapport can rely heavily on matching and mirroring but there are many non-verbal aspects to look out for: posture, weight distribution, arm and hand gestures, legs and feet, facial expression and eye contact as well as all the vocal factors.
You can even take the lead in your body language and test if the other person follows you e.g. leading them from being slumped or sitting far back in a chair into a more upright and confident posture.
Roberts-Phelps added: “It is also worth remembering that in the UK, there are some accepted mannerisms that are good indicators.
“A tilt of the head towards often gives an ‘I’m listening’ impression; frequently touching the nose is often seen as dishonest; rubbing the back of the neck can be a symbolic ‘brush off’.”
Moreover clapping hands often signifies expectation; ‘steepling’ the fingers can indicate arrogance or confidence; while holding a hand to a lapel can denote emphasis or honesty – just look at politicians on TV!
Looking beyond the UK, there are some common international traits that are worth noticing – in Japan, nodding shows understanding, not necessarily agreement; in Spain and Italy the movements is widely accepted to be more tactile.
In France, it is even seen that if you don’t talk with your hands, you are insincere and lack confidence.
While all these aspects just skim the surface of non-verbal communication, it is quite staggering what can be said just with our bodies.
The challenge is to pick up on all the information you are taking in – posture, voice, wording etc, and piece together a clearer picture.
In almost every case it is probably true that ‘actions speak louder than words’ – it’s up to you to make sense of it.
For more information on body language, contact The Travel Training Company. Tel: 01483 727321. E-mail tttc@tttc.co.uk or visit the Web site at www.tttc.co.uk.
Body talk: listen out for the sounds of silence