Rhinos take over Rolex
Did anyone else see Louis Theroux’s account of his stay at a South African hunting lodge?
All this time in travel and I had no idea this market existed. Have I been naïve not to realise that there are thousands of people out there for whom seven days’ gratuitous slaughter of wild animals with a gun or crossbow would count as the holiday of a lifetime?
This is a world away from empire-style big-game hunting by colonial types who didn’t know any better. The men, women and children who participate in this kind of hunting require no skills whatsoever. Blood lust however, is a necessity as is a heap of dosh.
Prices start at $60 to kill a jackal, rising to over $3,000 to shoot a giraffe, with the animals more or less served up by the tour guides. To see how excited some of the men became as the moment of the kill approached was very disturbing and ought to have triggered an intervention by mental health services.
I’ve checked the scene out online and it’s sickeningly huge. The market is largely geared towards Americans – for whom the gun culture is a no-brainer – but I can see that, given this kind of exposure, it’s just a matter of time before some weasly man with more money than sense finds his way into my office and asks to shoot something scary.
We’ve moved on in status symbols where once it was the Rolex, now it’s a rhino. Well, they can look elsewhere for an adventure.
Keep cabins quiet
I was interested to hear some airlines are to introduce mobile phone zones on European flights. Flying can be tedious, but those precious hours can be very relaxing.
I asked friends and family for their flying time occupations and here’s what they came up with: watch the brilliant re-runs of Top Gear (grandson, aged 9), drawing Peter Crouch (grandson, aged 8), deciding on which tracks to take on Desert Island Discs, writing song lyrics, writing to-do list for return to UK flight, writing postcards bought in resort and catching up on sleep.
Everybody agreed the quiet cabin was a good thing. And everybody recoiled in horror at the thought of listening to conversations that start with ‘I’m on the plane!’.
Men behaving badly
There’s nothing worse than men behaving badly, and I’m not referring to the TV series starring Martin Clunes – he has an open invitation to come into our shop and behave as badly as he likes. No, I’m referring to the petulant man-child Natalie found herself dealing with this week.
Our regular client, a proper gentleman of the old school, had previously popped in to enquire about flights to Australia and had held an option for himself, his wife, daughter and her partner.
On the day in question, he returned with his daughter and her other half, who lounged in his chair with his hands clasped behind his head and a face like thunder.
The daughter and her father were ready to book and looked across at the spoilt boyfriend for his approval.
“I think you can do better,” he snapped.
His girlfriend replied that she’d spent days trawling the Internet and had not been able to come up with a price to beat ours.
I interrupted: “Which part do you think you could do better? The flight or the hotel?”
“The hotel,” he said sulkily, “Why should we pay for an extra night so we can go straight to our room when we arrive at 6am? I’ve been in the hotel trade and I know we can do better.”
“Okay,” I said, “you book the hotel and we’ll book the flights.”
“No, I want to make sure we get that hotel!” He said, rising and storming out.
As he watched his daughter follow the 30-year-old toddler, the old gent looked at me embarrassed and said:
“His hotel experience amounts to six months as a junior chef. He isn’t even paying – she is.”
By the time the couple returned, the father had booked the trip, including the extra night. This sent the boyfriend into another fit and he stormed out for a second time.
I do hope he grows up before the departure date. I don’t like cancellations at the best of times but this one could end in tears before bedtime all round!
Maureen Hill works at Travel Angels, Gillingham, Dorset
