Could Rupert bear it?
I don’t know which is more fun: attending a conference, or the phone calls later revealing what went on while we were all stuck behind the counter.
I hear on the grapevine that Travel 2 field sales manager Rachael Healy led a few unsuspecting male colleagues astray when she delivered them up to a gay bar after a long day at the Advantage Conference in Sitges.
Among the group to find themselves at The Piano Bar were Holiday Options’ Rupert Diggins and Joe Lavers of Goldtrail. This couple, normally no shrinking violets, were strangely subdued at first, perhaps because they were not dressed in the uniform sailor hats and flashing tiaras sported by the other drinkers.
However, it didn’t take long before the pair had acquired headdresses and were getting into the swing of things. Rupert was seen dancing in his sailor’s hat, while Joe revealed a love of all things naval by exposing his own – navel that is – and flashing his tiara around the joint.
Rupert proved he has a feminine side by dancing to Bucks Fizz’s Making Your Mind Up, although I haven’t worked out what he did in the bit when the skirts fly off.
The post-mortem the following morning revealed that everybody had the time of their lives and all asked if they could return that evening, which is exactly what they did. Word got about the venue and our intrepid party arrived to find 30 of their colleagues already there.
The Piano Bar was alive to the tune of the cash registers ringing and the giggles of travel personnel of all persuasions. It’s true what they say: a gay time’s a good time.
With the conference almost over, Rupert beat a hasty retreat, overcome by man flu. You know man flu, it’s like the one women get, but longer, stronger, more virulent and totally toxic. Apparently the only cure for it is 48 hours of Sky Sports and a crate of Stella with a KFC chaser.
Poor Rupert. Feeling rough, he was ready for the flight home but things didn’t go according to plan and his baggage went missing. He was told by his understanding colleagues to wait until it had turned up rather than staggering into the office in his dirty underwear and sailor’s cap.
When he returned to work, he was touched to hear the welcoming strains of All the Nice Girls Love a Sailor and Ship Ahoy, Sailor Boy.
Gordon’s helping hand
It’s easy to become obsessed with travel in this business as one industry colleague, who shall remain nameless, proved this week. She confessed to me that she rarely reads a newspaper or listens to the news on TV or radio, so many aspects of the recent banking crises had passed her by.
She was travelling on a train when she glanced at a passenger’s newspaper and spotted the headline: ‘Government steps in to help B&B’. Immediately her thoughts went out to all those private guest house owners she imagined were in trouble.
“I thought the whole industry must be in meltdown if Gordon Brown was having to provide extra funds for bed and breakfast owners. I thought he’d come up with some kind of subsidy.”
Imagine her relief when she discovered the B&B in question was the Bradford and Bingley.
Strange yeast deficiency
Another breakfast issue arose for us when a woman came into the shop with a query about Marmite. “I’m visiting Australia,” she told Penny, “and I’m taking some Marmite because it’s not available there. Can I take it in the hand luggage or the suitcase?”
Penny told her she couldn’t take any foodstuff into Australia.
“But I’ve got a cupboard full! I’ve been buying it for months. Can’t I say it’s an insect repellent as I never get bitten if I’ve eaten it?”
For one awful moment, I thought she was proposing to smother herself in it and could barely look at Penny as she told her firmly that she could not enter the country with a stash of yeast extract. “What am I supposed to do with it?” she asked.
I had to bite my tongue.
Maureen Hill works at Travel Angels, Gillingham, Dorset