Maureen: Forget Love Land – happiness is an agent-friendly operator

The ride of your life…

I confess I’ve never been one for theme parks – the sight of grown men dressed up as unfeasibly large rodents has never lit my fire, and roller coasters make me cry.

But, I am always interested to hear what new spins the developers put on these entertainment spaces. Imagine my surprise, then, when I read that China will open ‘Love Land’, a sex theme park, in October. (Editor’s note: The Love Land project is no more – it has been demolished since Maureen wrote this column.)

The park, in the commercial city of Chongqing, will feature giant genitalia, nude exhibits and general information on sex, from historical aspects to safe practice. Goodness only knows if there’ll be any thrill rides to be had…

The image accompanying the story I read depicted a giant-scale rotating statue of the lower portion of a fibreglass female, clad only in an uncomfortable-looking thong, astride the entrance of the park.

Now it’s been a long time since I last picked up a copy of Spare Rib or any other feminist publication, but it struck me that, to present just a portion of female in this way sends out a decidedly un-21st century message. After all, even blow-up dolls have faces!

Sexual politics aside, however, Love Land is a distinct turn-off as far as I’m concerned. There’s nothing erotic, surely, about the anonymous Love Land legs, and the only excuse for the choice of a red thong would be to match the communist flag (must have been designed by a man – women don’t buy red.)

I wonder if it will attract an audience in Europe? Will we see queues of men in macs outside our agency doors, desperate to book flights to China?

Come back, Mickey Mouse et al, all is forgiven!

Andy’s very handy

Seasons in Style agency sales manager Andy Harris popped in this week to remind us of the many destinations covered by the company, and to flag up their ski programme with its dedicated consultant Andy (another one) in reservations, who deals with all ski enquiries.

We found it fascinating that 90% of the 50 staff working at the company are former travel agents and therefore know exactly what we, on the counter, expect when we ring them, and what we are up against in terms of client expectation.

We also very much appreciate the fact that they don’t display direct booking telephone numbers on every page of the brochure, nor do they discount direct to clients. For those of us trying to squeeze a living out of the face-to-face market, that counts for a lot.

Andy’s visit was most welcome. If I said he lit up the room, I wouldn’t be lying. At one point, one of our bulbs blew and left us in darkness until Andy, with his impressive height and invaluable arm length, reached up to flick our switch.

Back in the spotlight, he told us that Seasons in Style’s clients remain as demanding as ever, and cited the example of a couple who holidayed a few years ago at Sandy Lane in Barbados.

They had taken their 11-year-old son with them at the time when the new PlayStation 3 console had been released, and even Father Christmas was having difficulty locating units. In spite of their scarcity and the danger to life in obtaining one (crushing queues, fatal shootings and muggings all featured in the launch), the couple insisted that a PS3 was installed in their son’s room.

Now, call me old fashioned, but if I were the parent of an 11 year old faced with the ‘sapphire waters of the Caribbean sea’, I would not be encouraging him to sit in his room all day playing Grand Theft Auto. But, that was their wish, and staff made it happen by renting a personally owned one at exorbitant cost.
 
Why they didn’t just stick the kid in a caravan on Morecambe Sands and tell him he’d been abroad, I don’t know. He would never have known the difference.

No motor for Natalie

We had hoped to see Gold Medal’s Natalie Read this week, but she called to postpone our training session as her car had been broken into and she had no transport.

Let it not be said that Gold Medal has not done its bit to keep us travel agents happy. It has decided to add a little magic to our lives by offering entry into a prize draw for every booking made to Atlantis The Palm in Dubai with Emirates.

Prizes range from DVD players to a trip to Atlantis and a Mini Cooper.

Sounds like they might be better off loaning that Mini to Natalie before they give it away…

Maureen Hill works at Travel Angels in Gillingham, Dorset