Immigration officers have a tough time at work. It must be very hard doing a job that requires you to be suspicious of everybody and to take nobody at their word, for a start, and doubly difficult to have to deal with vain passengers who would prefer that nobody saw their terrible passport photo.
I have observed plenty of tired, highly strung passengers abuse immigration officials, so I completely understand why they might adopt a surly, less than welcoming attitude.
‘Surly’ and ‘less than welcoming’ were indeed the words used by my clients, newly returned from the US, to describe the immigration officers they encountered in New York.
After a long flight, the couple joined a long queue and, when they finally reached its head, were met by a long face.
“What is the purpose of your trip, Ma’am?” asked the official.
“To spend as much as possible!” replied my client enthusiastically, and with perfect honesty. The official remained unmoved, undermining all that stuff psychologists preach about smiling being a copycat instinct.
“And what is the purpose of your trip, Sir?” he continued, addressing my client’s husband.
“To stop her,” he replied instantly and dead pan. The officer’s lips trembled for a moment before he broke into a full smile and said: “Have a successful trip, Sir!”
My client has informed me that she intends to leave her husband at home next time and hit the Big Apple with her girlfriends.
The naked reality
On the subject of airport procedures, I saw footage on the TV of the new body scanners introduced to Manchester Airport the other week.
I have absolutely no doubt that these are the way forward for security checks, as they are the quickest and most thorough method for detecting concealed explosives and weapons.
However, the ‘naked’ imaging that it produces is causing some prudish Brits to get their knickers in a right twist (also detectable on the scanners, I expect).
Responses to the scanner varied, but many passengers felt the technology invaded people’s privacy and described it as ’embarrassing’.
I’m sure our uptight Britishness is to blame for this attitude – just as we get in a lather about nudist beaches and men in Speedos.
Quite honestly, I’m not sufficiently vain to think my naked scan would be of remote interest to anybody manning the machine and I would rather opt for that than stand, shoeless, for 45 minutes in a queue with a ‘pat down’ at the end. (Have you noticed that the airport authorities speak of a ‘pat down’ now, but we all know a good frisking when we’re at the receiving end of one?)
Anybody who travels regularly will, I’m sure, welcome the introduction of these machines as they are rolled out. I have a feeling that those who opt for the traditional frisk will soon come round when they see how much extra time in the tax-free shop their scanner-friendly pals get!
Unless, of course, the frisk is what they secretly hope for…
(Check out the lively discussion about Manchester’s scanners on our forums… Ed.)
Shaken and stirred
Some months ago, I wrote about the relaunch of the Royal Horseguards Hotel, part of the Guoman Hotels group. Guoman has made a commitment to the charities, Help for Heroes and The Household Cavalry Charitable Fund and, as a fundraiser for them, had organised the launch of the Guoman Cocktail Collection.
Unfortunately, I was unable to attend. Typical. This is the sort of launch that is right up my street, being a lover of cocktail hour, but I’m told that the event was the toast of the town, even without me.
The Royal Horseguards Hotel bar, The Cellar, formerly Winston Churchill’s favourite pub, The Duck and Goose, was a fitting place to show off the cocktails that will be sold to raise money for the charities, and Andy Pearson, celebrity mixologist, was on hand to train the Guoman bar staff in how to shake or stir the ingredients properly.
The four cocktails have been designed by Andy to appeal to the wide-ranging clientele of the hotel and one, named the Punto Central, comes in a male and female version.
Apparently, men and women don’t share the same taste – which explains the football versus Coronation Street argument – hence the need for the feminised version of the drink; I haven’t dared to ask which cocktail is the more potent!
The cocktail inspired by the Tower of London, with Beefeater gin as its base, proved to be the most popular of the night ,and the evening was described as a perfect tonic.
Maureen Hill works at Travel Angels in Gillingham, Dorset