SHADOW chancellor Michael Portillo entertained a travel industry audience at the annual Visions lecture in London with some witty stories of his canvassing experiences during the last general election.
Portillo recounted trying to imitate the energetic and enthusiastic Tony Blair by leaping over a garden gate as he canvassed voters in his constituency.
Unfortunately, he put his foot in it quite literally. He had ambled across a freshly concreted path and left a permanent reminder of his visit.
As the rather burly homeowner developed a “who the hell are you and what have you done to my garden?” look on his face, Portillo decided it was a moment for great political courage.
“Sir, I have the honour to be your parliamentary candidate for the Labour Party.” King of spin Peter Mandelson couldn’t have done a better job himself.
Mandy came in for some stick himself during Portillo’s speech. He told the story of a new Labour MP visiting his local barbers and insisting he keep his headphones on while his hair was cut.
The barber was forced to do the best job he could in the circumstances. But while he was chopping away, his client fell asleep. He decided to make the most of the opportunity and gently removed the headphones in a bid to do a better job.
But as he did so, the MPfell to the floor and promptly passed away. The barber put the headphones to his ears. He heard the sound of Mandelson saying: “Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.”