Asian con-fusion
If there’s one thing a life in travel teaches you, it’s resilience and how to look good after a night on the tiles. I never travel anywhere without Alka-Seltzer, tinted moisturiser and eyelash curlers.
I don’t know what Ian Dines’ secret is, but he certainly looked bright eyed and bushy tailed when he visited us immediately after his return from an educational in Cyprus.
Ian is TUI Travel’s business development executive and he had called in bearing news of offers and updates, but it wasn’t long before we were engaged in conversations covering the length and breadth of his career.
Ian has had a varied life in travel with experience in tour operating, retail and repping for First Choice in destinations including Bulgaria and Lapland. Under duress, he confirmed that Father Christmas does exist – if I’m a good girl and promise not to tug his beard, he’s going to introduce me.
Among the TUI Travel companies he now represents since the First Choice and Thomson merger are Sovereign, Hayes and Jarvis, Meon Villas and Citalia. The educational he was on had been hosted by Sovereign and, as always, classic moments of hilarity had been shared by the group.
“You forget,” he said, “that younger members of the party have less life experience, so they sometimes say the wrong thing.”
Ian told us the hotel manager of the five-star Almyra Hotel had been discussing the food and catering with the group and mentioned that their chef had a Michelin star. “Michelin?” puzzled one agent, “I thought they made tyres, not tarts!”
By all accounts the food on the trip was first class – the hotels they visited pulled out all the stops to impress. The trouble with Cyprus in the noughties, however, is that Asian fusion is all the rage and the party found themselves eating variations on a sweet and sour theme every night. As one member said, she never thought she’d crave stuffed vine leaves but “any more duck and I’ll start quacking”.
At least nobody displayed a sensitivity to the food, which is more than could be said of the spa. According to Ian, several of the party started itching uncontrollably and leaping out of the magnesium baths.
Ian though, was full of praise for the whole experience and was especially impressed with the Aphrodite Hills Hotel. Its service, he said, was second to none.
“Take my request for an iron. I wanted to iron a shirt that had got crumpled in my suitcase, so I rang reception. Barely had I done so than a lovely lady appeared in my room to iron it. And she insisted on ironing all my clothes!” He added ruefully, “I offered to bring her back to the UK, but she said she didn’t have a passport.”
Those girls in Cyprus know a thing or two if you ask me.
Going out with a bang
I told Ian he was lucky to have visited us in Gillingham this week. If he had come last week he would have found the town empty, the supermarket and local shops closed and the high street cordoned off.
What had happened in this quiet backwater town? A brown paper bag, by all accounts, clutched by an elderly lady who had presented herself at the local police station.
The copper on the desk had opened the bag to reveal an old hand grenade and some live ammunition.
“My husband kept them in the loft but he’s gone now and I’m having a clearout,” she said matter of factly. Still, it’s good to keep the police on their toes and it certainly added something to a slow Wednesday.
A romance on hold
Our Natalie has been a little subdued recently after her Navy boyfriend Rob was deployed to Singapore on board his submarine. He’ll be away for three months and the time is hanging heavily on the poor girl, so it’s always good to raise a smile from her and that’s exactly what one client did, albeit unwittingly.
The client and her husband were sitting in front of Natalie while she was on hold on the phone. “I’m just listening to the operator’s music,” she explained to them. Writing down the couple’s details while she waited, she added: “any requests?”
“Anything by Cliff Richard would be nice,” replied the wife. Well, they were booking their Summer Holiday!
Maureen Hill works at Travel Angels, Gillingham, Dorset