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Maureen: from cankles to calamine, welcome to complaints season

Feeling fired up

The Mandarin Oriental in Knightsbridge was the stylish venue for Caribtours’ 2009 brochure launch this week and I arrived early, but slightly less stylishly, courtesy of South West Trains.

In the bar for the champagne reception I met up with Geoff Blagg of Holt Travel and his business partner Joan Thom.

Geoff was looking fit and well and, ever keen to know the secrets of eternal youth, I asked him how he does it. The answer is not expensive face creams and a gym membership, but a good game of football and a little training.

“I can manage the dribbling,” I said, “but only once I’ve dozed off in front of the telly.”

On our way to the dining room, Caribtours’ Prue Rushmer introduced me to her daughter, Gemma, the incoming managing director of Haslemere Travel, and her husband, Ray, who revealed he was a firefighter.

This news soon made its way to the ears of Gabi Birbeck of Rendezvous Travel, who is keen on a chap in uniform with an effective hose, and she suggested ladies of a like persuasion might want to line up for a demonstration of the fireman’s lift.

Even a man who is used to controlling heated situations was in danger of being overcome by [per]fumes, and Ray politely declined to show Gabi his skill, opting instead to take refuge at the dinner table.

A delicious meal followed and I enjoyed mine seated between Joseph Rajkovic of 2J’s Travel and GLA Hotels director of sales John Petch, both of whom made entertaining company.

Caribtours managing director Paul Cleary was proud to announce that, in spite of the gloomy economic conditions, Caribtours’ sales were up by 25% and those of The Private Travel Company up by 27%.

It was lovely to hear Paul pay tribute to his hard-working staff and to thank the travel agents in the room who make their contribution to the company’s success.

He went on to present Outstanding Performance Awards and announce the evening’s entertainment, a steel band which brought a little Caribbean sunshine to a gloomy London evening.

As soon as those steel drums sounded, Gabi Birbeck was out of her chair quicker than a greyhound out of its trap. Onto the dance floor she sprang, grabbing ‘Gorgeous Gio’ of the Bahamas Tourist Board, who showed the rest of us how to gyrate the Bahamian way!

I’m happy to report that Caribtours head of sales and marketing, heavily pregnant Jay Cowle, managed to get through the evening without going into labour and she has my utter admiration for managing to party this close to the birth!

She did complain, as she looked woefully down at her legs, that she has developed ‘cankles’ – that condition dreaded by women, whereby the calves and the ankles merge seamlessly together.

“It’ll all be worth it in the end,” I reassured her, “you’ll get your ankles back. It’s about all that returns to normal. Everything else will change beyond recognition!”

A rash of complaints

With most families now having returned from their holidays ready for the new school term, we enter the complaints season.

Armed with photos and videos, clients turn on the agents they were showering with gratitude weeks earlier when they were desperate for some sun. Now, we are held responsible for every delay, every cracked tile, every dirty sheet and every underdone chicken across the Mediterranean.

My client came in with photos evidencing the rashes they had all developed as a reaction to ‘something nasty in the pool’.

I feigned sympathy as she told me about the spots that had covered her children, but drew the line at looking at the photos she’d taken of her partner’s rash, which was located in his pelvic region.

“I had to smother him in calamine lotion and blow cold air on him which seemed to help a little bit. But it spoilt our intimate life.”

I stopped myself from saying that some people would pay good money for that sort of treatment and instead suggested she put it all in writing, with the photos and send it to the operator.

“I should enlarge the photos of your husband,” I added naughtily, “after all, you want them to be able to see everything clearly.”

Boy, have customer relations staff got a treat in store!

Maureen Hill works at Travel Angels, Gillingham, Dorset

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