I’m not six foot four with a receding hairline, and I don’t speed about the country in flash cars.
I don’t play practical jokes on my colleagues, score petty points at the expense of their hair, height or body parts, or abuse our European neighbours.
But now I have something in common with Jeremy Clarkson: I’m starting to share his loathing of caravanners.
It started when a desperately unimpressive specimen of humankind appeared in the shop this week.
“Have you got a Haven brochure?” he asked.
I went to the rack and asked if it was the UK or European brochure he wanted.
“UK,” came the brusque reply.
It appeared that the lady before him had taken the last copy, so I made my way to the store room at the back of the office, where I climbed over a selection of literature, before locating Haven UK.
Returning to the counter, I asked if he’d like me to check availability for him.
“Oh no,” he said, matter-of-factly, “I only want to see how much they’re letting out my caravan for, so that if I don’t use them next year, I’ll know what to charge myself.”
He must have seen my face pass through several shades of angry red, because he was out of the front door faster than, well, anything with a V8 engine.
A United front
Simon Cowell may think he’s the supremo when it comes to launching music careers, but he may have competition in the form of United Airlines.
Dave Carroll, a musician with the band Sons of Maxwell, embarked on a tour that took them to Nebraska in 2008, flying United Airlines via Chicago. As they waited on the ground at O’Hare airport, they glanced out of the window to see baggage handlers throwing guitar cases around.
Later inspection of Dave’s guitar, which cost more than $3,500, revealed significant damage as a result of its mishandling, for which Dave began a claim.
Pushed from pillar to post by the airline over the months that followed, Dave’s frustration grew.
After a long email dialogue United Airlines customer relations, who ultimately denied the claim, Dave made a promise that he would write three songs about the experience and post them on YouTube, complete with videos, for all the world to see.
To date, his song United Breaks Guitars has been viewed by nearly four million people, and United Airlines is now sitting up and acting with all the urgency it failed to display last year as its reputation is musically trounced.
United has of course now agreed to compensate, but Dave has suggested the airline donate it to charity. He is now riding high in the Canadian charts at number 19, and is enjoying cult status online with fans eager to hear song two.
I wonder if Dave’s musical stance could trigger a new direction in complaining? Will we be seeing clients setting their own grievances to music? I look forward to the day somebody comes in to say they ‘left their coat in San Francisco’ or gripe about hotel food with ‘Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam’!
Check out Travel Weekly Blog for another perspective on the United Breaks Guitars affair…
Pride of the bride’s mum
Weddings are tricky at the best of times, but when a family is split, what’s to be done? I’d booked a bride who’d decided that her best option was to marry as far away from her divorced parents as possible. St Lucia was her chosen destination.
She popped in to drop off her completed documents and, as she looked rather glum, I asked whether the wedding was still what she wanted.
“Oh, yes,” she said, “it’s just that my father and his partner have decided to gatecrash it. They’ve booked the same hotel for seven nights, and now my mum wants to come. She won’t be outdone by him.”
And so it proved to be. The mother and a friend appeared in the shop hoping to book the same hotel. The cost was way out of her budget, but she wanted so desperately to have the same access to her daughter’s big day that her ex was getting, that she contemplated paying off a little every month.
I could see disaster. I told her to take another hotel on the grounds that her daughter might feel more comfortable visiting her away from the prying eyes of her father and his new girlfriend.
“After all,” I said, “you can find a sweetheart any day, but never another mother.”
She burst into tears. And booked.
Maureen Hill works at Travel Angels in Gillingham, Dorset