“We want an authentic taste of Spain, like you see on the postcards,” said the middle-aged woman who came in recently. “You know the sort of thing – whitewashed walls, old ladies in black dresses, bougainvillea”
“Right,” I said, “I get the picture.”
“But we do want flushable loos. I’m not one for a hole in the ground or a bin full of toilet tissue. We might be in the EU but we’re not that European!” She added. “And I don’t want to be around any donkeys or stray cats either. We have enough trouble with next door’s.”
It was clear they imagined every Spanish teenage girl wears a flamenco dress to the school prom, and that Spanish mothers call their children in for dinner with castanets, while their husbands sharpen bullfighting swords ready to carve the chorizo.
But before I could respond, her husband chipped in, “And we don’t want to spend more than £250 a head.”
“I’m afraid we might struggle with the budget, then,” I said. “You’ll get something basic – or indeed authentic – but if you try to think about the cats and donkeys as free range, and the rudimentary toilet facilities as eco-friendly, you’ll be fine.”
This cut no ice and the pair exchanged looks of distaste.
“If Spain is difficult on that budget, could you check out Majorca?” The woman asked.
It’s a charming market
It may not be the panto season, but I know one Prince Charming is going to make a whole lot of local people happy.
Rob Nicol, formerly sales and tours manager with the ever popular Palmair has joined forces with Julie Dugan of the Senior Citizens Information Service (SCIS). The company is based in Bournemouth and offers discounted services, trips and holidays to retired people.
Julie and Rob will be escorting SCIS members on day trips in the UK – and it’s already attracting a lot of attention.
In uncertain times, the ‘grey pound’ is an important and reliable market, and it’s good to see a quality product packaged at an affordable price.
Now, if Julie has found a Prince Charming, I wonder if she will be needing an Fairy Godmother…
Drunken navigation
I travelled to a wedding with a friend once and she was the designated driver. I was the designated drinker – a role I took very seriously and executed efficiently.
Just to ensure that I didn’t get a totally free ride, I was burdened with the responsibility of map reading.
“We’re heading for the White Horse,” she said to me, “so look for that area on the map.”
“The White Horse?” I asked, “Which one? There must be loads of them. Every third pub is a White Horse.”
The look she gave me spoke volumes about why our friendship subsequently foundered. “The White Horse in Wiltshire,” she said, witheringly, “it’s a landmark.”
It seemed I was never to redeem myself on that trip, as shortly afterwards, she asked me which road we were on.
“The thin green one,” I said confidently. Oh, how I wish the irritating tones of the satnav lady had been invented at that point; she would never have known I hadn’t achieved my map reading badge at Girl Guides.
I had forgotten all about this episode until I read the results of a survey undertaken by Avis Rent A Car testing the nation’s knowledge of the British Isles and its landmarks.
It turned out I was among 35% of respondents who didn’t know where the White Horse was, which made me feel a little better, but it did reveal a shocking lack of knowledge generally.
Apparently, 45% of us don’t know where Stonehenge is, a fact I find almost impossible to believe; I mean, have you seen it? It’s enormous. Unmissable in fact.
About 30% of folk confused the Scottish Sands of Morar with a Caribbean beach – a fact that must have thrilled the Scottish tourism authorities, while 40% could not identify Windsor Castle, though I’m guessing they would have nailed the Queen Vic in Albert Square.
To combat our ignorance and to encourage people to get out and explore what’s on our doorstep, Avis has compiled a Best of British guide on its website.
And the best news is that large and important landmarks come pre-programmed into your satnav, so you need never be embarrassed by your dismal geography again.
Maureen Hill works at Travel Angels in Gillingham, Dorset