The ultimate guide to talking the talk

The ultimate guide to talking the talk

THERE were some outstanding speakers at the ABTAconvention in Kos, but as we come to the end of the conference season, it’s an appropriate time to reflect on the gobbledegook, clichés and hackneyed phrases doing the rounds. Here Cutting Edge presents the ultimate travel industry conference speech:

“Training is absolutely vital and your most important asset is your people. Without them, you have nothing. Even though statistics show that the industry invests two-thirds of naff all on training, our company bucks the trend and sends all staff to Harvard Business School for two years.

“Change is coming and everyone must embrace it. If you stand still, you’re going backwards. Our company has replaced its cash tills with computers.

“We need to be more customer focused. People are time rich and cash poor. They may come into the shop one day and then want to call us on a Sunday afternoon. We have to be available, which is an issue for us because we won’t pay people to work weekends.

“Talk of the high street being dead is premature. We need a clicks and bricks strategy and we need to be able to walk the talk as well as focusing on customer yield management relationship structures and systems.

“The Internet is a tool, an embracer, something to use to help you with your business. Last year no-one had heard of the Internet but now 99.9% of people spend at least 16 hours a day on the Web and travel is their top purchase. This is based on a survey of four unemployed students in Cornwall. We are living with lean back and lean forward technology.

“Content is king and we’ll pretend we won’t work with third-party Internet sites because it’ll make us sound hard.

“Finally, may I make a plea against this criminal wastage of brochures and the ludicrous policy of discounting.

“What other industry gives its products away during the peak booking period? We will, however, give people what they want and may I reassure customers that although prices in our ninth-edition summer sun programme have risen sharply, our retailer will be offering tempting discounts of 50% off in January. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening.”

Take to the stage: cobble together all the ‘top trade talk’ and you could find your audience is as great as the one shown above