Briefs encounter and tales of damp drawers sum up pants week

Maureen HIll, the Travel industry’s top columnist

Briefs encounter and tales of damp drawers sum up pants week

Cancellations leave us scraping rock bottom as the boss threatens to make me sing for my supper

Ys and wherefores

I have often remarked about the public’s tendency to employ their travel agent in a variety of other (unpaid) roles, from marriage counsellor to fashion advisor to medical expert, but I don’t know quite what function Kate was fulfiling for the elderly gentleman who sat down in front of her this week.

As Kate handed him the tickets he’d requested, he announced that he had just been shopping in Marks and Spencer and proceeded to pass over his purchases for her approval. Waving a multi-pack of ‘Y-front’ underpants under her nose, he invited her to ‘feel the quality’. Declining to touch them, Kate murmured her agreement that 100% cotton is essential in the underpant department and he duly left.

The following day he reappeared to apologise for having shown Kate his pants. Unfortunately, his apology was loud, very public and neglected to mention that the underwear in question was still in its packaging, leaving other clients bewildered and Kate pink with embarrassment.

If we thought this was the end of our brief (pardon the pun) affair with men’s underpants, we were wrong. Another old chap called in to tell me he had enjoyed his four-day Dorset Queen coach holiday but had a complaint to make.

Apparently, when he arrived at his hotel and unpacked his suitcase, he discovered that the case and its contents were damp. A further chat with the coach driver revealed something in another passenger’s case had leaked through into his. Fortunately, the something proved to be nothing more sinister than Evian water, though why anybody would want to pack bottled water on a Gardens of England tour remains a mystery, it’s hardly the Borneo jungle after all.

Anyway, the long and the short of it was that the chap’s pants were soaked through and he was too embarrassed to ask the hotel staff to dry them. Instead, he draped them over the radiator overnight, so suffering a steamy night he hadn’t bargained for.

I relayed this information to Rosemary at Dorset Queen, who was extremely sympathetic. Although it was not the operator’s fault, she offered apologies for his discomfort and asked what sort of gift he would appreciate? His reply – a Martini, very dry, of course.

Fan-tastic discovery

It’s been quiet here, with cancellations coming in thick and fast and clients hesitating to book next year’s holidays. During the quiet spell we’ve been catching up on those irritating jobs that are generally filed under ‘This year, next year, sometime, never’ because we’re all too busy selling holidays or admiring underwear. As a result, our office is looking pristine and manuals have been updated.

Our drawers (not underwear this time!) have been turned out and a host of treasures found. While most of us were happy to be reunited with lost earrings and nail files, what Nigel found could have qualified him for the Antiques Roadshow. Among the hoard, he found a BOAC paper fan issued to passengers upon boarding their flight. We agreed it must have been the first in air circulation devices, circa 1950! Also rediscovered was a prehistoric box of matches – out of date but still striking. A bit like him, really…

Star performers

Around this time Zoe Ireland of Star Clippers popped in with the latest brochure.

Fortunately, we had all just finished module three of the Star Clipper training so were able to impress her with our knowledge. That Zoe loves the sea is evident in the enthusiasm for her job. Her ambition is to become a marine biologist and to study whales. A young, bubbly and vivacious girl she’d make a great catch for a ‘sole’ mate!

Gloss on Matt’s efforts

Kate’s week has seen her range from the embarrassment of the underwear incident to pride in her boyfriend Matt’s achievements.

A firefighter, he and his colleagues were touched by the loss of life sustained by the New York fire department and decided to do what they could to help. They set about raising funds for the families of colleagues across the Atlantic by displaying their engine and using collecting boxes shaped like helmets.

Matt amused her with tales of how the ladies of Winton were fighting to get aboard the engine. She looked anxious, however, when she heard some of these ladies were attractive travel agents! Apparently, they were very generous to the firefighters, plying them with cups of tea, so Kate sends a thank-you to agency staff in Winton who looked after her fella.

Cashing in on disaster

Some members of the public have responded to the disasters in the US in a distasteful way, expecting cheap holidays because of the slowdown in the industry and the general loss of appetite for travel.

One smug, middle-aged gent came in and told me he was looking for a holiday to the Algarve ‘around the £99 mark’ as he had never paid more than that for a holiday and ‘it should be even cheaper given the international situation at the moment’.

In another case, I offered a three-day dog-sledding holiday in Sweden at the brochure price to a client who promptly replied that I was barking up the wrong tree. I didn’t laugh, as you can imagine.

Drawing a veil

Nigel has warned us that if things continue to be as slow as they are, we may have to become multi-talented in order to drum up more business.

Julie is concerned he may want her to take down her net curtains and dance the seven veils in our shop window, while I fear my tap dancing days may not yet be over. Who knows what he has in mind? Unfortunately, the phrase ‘singing for your supper’ springs to mind. What a horrible thought!