NO-one under 16 years of age is allowed here, the receptionist told us as we checked into the Carmel Forest Spa.
I assured him that we passed that qualification with ease.
“Maybe you will feel 16 when you leave,” he suggested hopefully.
The 126-room resort is a 60mins drive north of Ben Gurion Airport and 20mins from Haifa.
It is managed by Israel hotel operator Isrotel and models itself on the Champneys, an upmarket UK health resort, although it proclaims to be much cheaper.
Room rates start at £209 a night at the weekend, which is the busiest time for the spa – rising to £268 for a Carmel suite.
However, Longwood Holidays has seven-night packages from £892 full board including flights and transfers. As with most health resorts, you come here to rest and recuperate, and forget the stresses and strains of everyday life. Mobile phones are nearly outlawed – the mainly Israeli guests do find it hard to be detached from their phones – and bath robes and slippers are accepted form of attire , although you must dress for dinner.
You can opt to do nothing but there is also a full programme of free activities each day.
I went on fitness hikes and mountain biking through the forest, joined the aerobics, step and body conditioning classes – they are in Hebrew, with some English thrown in – and worked out in the gym but you can also relax with yoga and meditation.
There are daily lectures and, in the evening, film shows or live entertainment in the auditorium.
In fact, you can timetable something for almost every hour of every day, mixing activities with relaxation in the spa.
This is the hub of the resort, with 25 treatment rooms manned by 70 therapists whose job is to pummel or pamper their guests, depending on the treatment; a swimming pool, sauna, steam rooms and a Turkish hamam (bath) where you can watch a masseur scrub and ‘beat’ his victim – and then opt to do something else instead.
I chose a two-hand Ayurveda massage – there is also a four-hand version where you are doused and massaged in hot sesame oil; the treatment ends with hot oil being dripped on the forehead. It was a bizarre experience but relaxing.
After that I opted for foot pummelling with reflexology.
I also tried a facial, which is again very relaxing, and a Thai massage, which is not, but was definitely my favourite.
Treatments are not cheap – a 50min Thai massage costs about £28; the facial £30 – but they were expertly done.
Although this is a health spa, it is not the place to loose weight.
Guests can have a special diet, planned by the on-site nutritionist but everyone is on full board and food is in plentiful supply.
The quality was variable but it’s all healthy stuff, with brown bread and plenty of salads.
Alcohol has a low profile – there is no beer and hardly anyone drinks wine, which helps those aspiring to fitness – but you can help yourself to endless cups of free tea at the tea bar in the lobby or spa.