Entente cordiale
All those of you who have signed up to become Dream Team agents may be interested to learn that the incentive scheme offered by Distant Dreams has been expanded – quite literally.
Phillipa Goldie, Distant Dreams sales manager, is expecting a baby in May. Her husband, Vincent, is French and choosing a name acceptable to both has become something of a problem (shades of Waterloo all over again).
Any agent who can think of a suitable Anglo-French moniker will be rewarded, so not only could you stand to win a holiday in the monthly draw, but you could name the nouveau bebe. Now that’s what I call creative marketing!
Showdown in Tenerife
As if there weren’t enough international incidents currently being staged around the world, one Essex client has promised his agent that he will start another.
This fighting talk began when, as a result of over-booking problems at his chosen apartments in Tenerife, his holiday was switched the day before departure.
Cosmos rang the agent with alternative accommodation but this failed to satisfy the client, who rejected it and went on to reject a full refund.
He warned the agent that he would turn up at the apartment he had originally booked, whether Cosmos booked it or not. Cosmos were duly advised of his intentions.
The agent, fearing an ugly confrontation filmed in glorious technicolour for later transmission on Watchdog, rang the apartments in Tenerife herself. She found that, just as Cosmos had stated, the problem was beyond their control.
Her request for an explanation of the overbooking was met by an apathetic reception desk clerk who said: “Yes, he is overbooked; he’s going somewhere else.” When questioned further, the same clerk apparently lost his previously impressive command of English.
The agent persevered with the language breakdown and asked to speak to his manager. Somewhat unsurprisingly the manager was unavailable on that occasion, and remained elusive on all the other occasions when the agent rang.
By the time you read this column, the client will either have returned in one piece, or we will all have heard his story on News at Ten. Watch this space for an update on the Tenerife tantrum!
Popping off for a break
It appears that the recent cold snap has taken its toll on the frail and elderly in these parts, as many customers have felt duty bound to explain how they can now afford a holiday. The most popular explanation seems to be that they have been left a little something in either an uncle or aunt’s will. The next most common is a lucky win on the bingo.
There is a certain amount of competition between us and the building society next door as to who takes receipt of the newly acquired wealth. It would seem that some of our visitors haven’t quite made up their minds.
I have in mind the middle-aged lady who absent-mindedly handed Nicky her building society book and a wad of ú20 notes before realising that she was in the wrong shop.
I suggested that Nicky count herself lucky; our neighbour on the other side is the laundrette and she could quite easily have been handed a carrier bag full of dirty smalls
Mum gets in a tight spot
The past few weeks have seen much coverage in the media of the problems of air rage. The TV programme Airplane showed a drunken passenger being refused admission onto an EasyJet flight to Amsterdam, where he and his pals were planning a stag night; this same passenger was, however, deemed fit enough to fly with another airline at Heathrow.
This leaves me wondering who makes such decisions and at what stage a passenger is pronounced fit to travel. There are clearly discrepancies in the criteria applied.
Perhaps the use of a breathalyser could standardise the response of airlines nationally and internationally to this problem, as the travelling public is certainly crying out for consistency of approach.
We must not assume that the fit to travel issue is restricted to air travel – cruise passengers can find themselves trapped with undesirable company for longer than the average flight, as my old friend Joy Tonkin can testify.
When she worked for CTC, she boarded a cruise ship at Tilbury to see off CTC Club members due to sail that afternoon. Upon entering a four-berth female share cabin, she cheerfully asked if all was well for the three women she found there.
A stony silence was eventually broken as, in unison, the three confessed that they didn’t want to share with the fourth passenger. They felt that her behaviour was more than unusual.
At this point, the fourth lady appeared singing at the top of her voice and sporting a pair of tights on her head. Joy realised that there might be some validity to the others’ complaints.
Having taken the lady to one side and spoken to her, Joy’s assessment was that the passenger should not be travelling unsupervised.
She phoned the agent who had booked the client’s cruise. The agent explained that the transaction had been dealt with over the phone, with the client’s son, and that she had therefore never clapped eyes on the woman at all.
A call was made to the son and a plea made for him to remove his mother. This was met with a long and loud expression of indignation, ending in an accusatory dig: we look after her all year, you’ll only have her for two weeks!
What with disruptive passengers, and news that BA are researching the link between long-haul flights and blood clots in legs, it’s a wonder that anyone is travelling at all.
n Maureen Hill is temporarily at John Perry Travel, Blandford Forum