Watch out for basket cases
While I am all in favour of the cliche live and let live Imust give the thumbs down to the latest request to hit the retail trade.
British Naturism has asked Tesco to allow it a special late-opening nudist night. There must be some health and safety implications for the fruit and veg sections, let alone eye-watering problems that could be incurred with the wire baskets. If it gets the go-ahead, where will it end?During hot weather we already endure insufficiently clad clients exposing more flesh than is sightly – God forbid there should be a Nudist’s Charter.
From Russia with a shove
While relaxing at home, I received a telephone call at 8pm from the frustrated housemaster of a nearby boarding school. He had been trying to get through to British Airways at Heathrow to find out at which terminal one of his charges returning from Moscow would arrive at.
His efforts seemed to be obstructed at every turn with the automated answering service failing to deliver the help he needed. It was at this point a friend suggested Imight be able to help.
The schoolboy should have returned some days earlier but due to a misunderstanding on the part of his Russian father, the lad missed the flight he had originally been booked on and the school had not been advised of his new arrival time or the terminal.
Upon his arrival at Heathrow, the boy had approached a black cab driver to ask how much it would cost to take him to Dorset. The fare quoted was ú380. He phoned the school to ask if he should take it. The housemaster told him to stay put – the local firm could do the job for less than ú100.
Unfortunately, the boy failed to mention which terminal he was phoning from and it was here that I stepped in. However, I did feel that such a difference in price suggests fat-cats are running taxi firms as well as the utilities. I wonder just how many visitors to this country are put off returning because of such greedy and exorbitant costs.
The happy outcome for the young Muscovite was that the Dorset cab driver found him in the coffee bar of terminal four, and by 1am he was safely delivered to a relieved housemaster!
Keep your options open
The audacity of some clients leaves me reeling. A chap who had rung last week with a detailed itinerary to Malaysia and Indonesia called to see us today.
Nicky had quoted prices from Travel 2 in the first instance, only to be told that he’d had a ‘much cheaper’ quote elsewhere.
His ‘cheaper’ quote was from a multiple and used a different airline flying on a different day and with a different hotel – yet he had been quite specific about these components when requesting a quote from us.
Seats were tight for the particular date at Easter that he wanted but, fortunately, Travel 2 had given us an option.
He called in today to go over details and prices. While in the office, we discovered that not only was he holding an option with us, but with two branches of the same multiple.
He joked about discounts – could we offer one?We laughed along with him but refused.
Still determined to play one agent off against another, he asked Nicky if he could use the telephone to call the other agent in case they could beat our offer. Nicky managed to remain civil as she suggested that he do that from home. He left.
An hour later he rang in to ask how long the option was being held as he would be in to book… ah, sweet satisfaction!
Silver dream racer
We all know that some up-to-date brochures are hard to get hold of and this message must have got through to the criminal fraternity. At least that’s the assumption made by Nan Short, Silverseas sales manager, Ireland.
Nan had parked her newly acquired silver dream machine (well it’s a Ford Escort, actually) outside an agency while she popped in to make a visit. Her personal effects and a Silverseas brochure were left, with Nan’s customary abandon, on the front seat. Upon her return she found she had been the victim of a smash and grab, the thief having made off with her purse and the brochure! Fearing the perpetrator may take it upon himself to book a Silverseas Cruise with her credit card, she promptly informed the police.
Looking on the bright side, Nan complimented the villain on his good taste!
Cracking the Airtours code
Doesn’t anyone at Airtours listen to agents?
About two years I wrote of the frustration that agents were feeling at the abbreviations used by Airtours in the description of properties.
A year later, I had cause to mention them again.
We all wondered if a lack of screen space could be to blame, but this was belied by the screen layout; the abbreviations are crammed at the top while the rest of the page is blank.
On a busy Saturday, the last thing one wants to do is try to decipher for a client what is and isn’t available on the chosen property. We had no option but to ring Airtours, wasting more of our time. Fortunately our client, an old chap, had a sense of humour and suggested to Nicky that we needed to employ a crossword compiler or the chap who broke the Enigma codes.
Right word at the right time
As quick-witted agents, we are rarely lost for words and have developed a language to fulfil our own professional needs.
Richard English of Retraining wants to hear of any new words we are using within the industry (they must be printable!) and their definitions as he is revising the World Travel Dictionary.
Words of a non-profane nature may be left on his answerphone on 01737 245204.
n Maureen Hill is temporarily working at John Perry Travel, Blandford Forum.